Ok here goes it, my top, fave JOKEs
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can't hear a vitamin.
What is OJ Simpsons password on his computer???
slash slash backslash slash and escape
Why didn't biggie smalls like to go on holiday?
because he didnt like Tu pac'k
What's blue and not heavy?... Light blue!
The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that's un œuf.
What's green and hairy and goes up andn down??? - A goosberry in a lift!
I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich."
I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays
*What's green and eats nuts?
news flash: i just bought a corduroy pillow?
I hear it's making headlines
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler...
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Had a dream I was Chinese.
When I woke up, I was disoriented.
Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack.
Did you hear about the bomb in the cheese factory?
De Brie went everywhere
Someone threw cheese at me.
Slept like a log last night.
Woke up in the fireplace.
Argon walks into a bar. The bar tender says "GET OUTTA HERE! WE DON'T SERVE YOUR KIND!" Argon doesn't react.
whats brown and rhymes with snoop?
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One turns to the other and says "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.
I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off
Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?"
He gave me a kite.
Man goes to the doctor for a physical. Doctor says "You've got to stop masturbating so much." Man says "Why?" "Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"
A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
*what do eskimos get from sitting on the ice 2 long?
Helicopter flavoured crisps.... Donkey jokes 1
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He tried to work it out with a pencil.
The problem with political jokes is they often get elected.
i made that cartoon watch it, give me a click
Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
how does a donkey like his doughnuts?
with jammie in
Whats red and yellow and looks good on Hippies?.......
How do u stop a hippie drowning?..........
..... you cant hes too far out man
How many essex girls does it take to make choclate chip cookies. ...
....5, 1 to mix the dough and 4 to peal the m&m's
I've just written a song about tortillas.
Actually, it's more of a rap.
How do Mexicans keep warm?
They use chicken for heaters.
Why did the mexican chuck his wife of the roof.....
Listened to some vegetarian music today.
It's like nothing I've ever herbivore.
I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper's jammin' again.
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper
approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
How do you make a dish washer into an answering machine?
Give the bitch a mobile phone
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Whats the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere
i went to an indian resturant the other day and had a pelican curry. ..............
......................it tasted good but the bill was massive
Where does an astronaught park his car?.....
....in the space man
why could'nt the life gaurd save the hippy..
... coz he was to far out man
How many Emos does it take to change a lightbulb? ........
.....NONE they all sit in the dark and cry!!
What goes through a flys brain as he hits the windsreen?...
How do you hide money from a hippy? ...........
............Put it under the soap.
Ali G at nuclear protest
Will It Blend? - Rubik's Cube